OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
