It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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