Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
