im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
