I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize