the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize