Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
