I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
