So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
two words: eviction party
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
