My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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