So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
