I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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