I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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