VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
