I wanna passion pit in your ass
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
