Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
