I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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