Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
