I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
