What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize