So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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