Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize