sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize