I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
