She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i will never coherently bang her
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
