im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
