i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
