At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
