nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
