Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
