All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
