i just made my gag reflex go away.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
