Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
