If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
