Need sex. Gaining weight.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
