Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I want her autograph on my taint
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
