Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
