I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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