Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i out mim tonsoeep
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