just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
