Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
