You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize