one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
