We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
