spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
