I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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