I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize