White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
