just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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