She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
