My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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