Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
