I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
