yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
