Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
