can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
