He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
