Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
