And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
