is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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