she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
