why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
