I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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