went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize