yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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