I feel great
I just peed on a car
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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