The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
as a side note pls kill me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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