I met the friendliest cop last night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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