I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
