u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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