Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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