just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
